Food food baby! Sung to the tune of Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice.
So, merely two days in the 20-10 I believe I have already *faulted* on one of my 100 resolutions.
#52 - Never have a food baby
For those of you who have never seen Juno, a food baby is where you eat so much food/are so full that you look like you are pregnant.
"Thanksgiving Dinner full" is another way to describe the whole general concept.
So, yeah, I figured Food Babies, just in general, was a good thing to try to avoid this year, I'm just sayin'.
And I was doing so well yesterday! We had gone out to a lovely dinner at Authentic on Alberta for a family birthday dinner, and at the end of the meal I was still feeling just full, not *overly* full.
And then....IT happened.
You know what I'm talking about.
Chocolate Fondue happened.
Kristin and Jason came over for some Star Trek action at our house, and Ken and I stopped by New Season's and picked up a bottle of port (oh, you guys all remember my lover, Mr. Bottle of Port, right?) and they show up at the door not only with a bag full of chocolate chips and whipping cream, but also a copy of The Joy of Cooking.
This was serious ya'll.
And what is one to do when there is pound cake and delectable fruits to dip in chocolate while you are cherry picking the best Captain Picard episodes?
Food baby City!
But instead of a failure I have decided that my list of resolutions is a reflection of my life and goals therefore needn't be pass or fail, imposing a set of strict rules for people to follow (even ourselves) never works out well in the end, and I have therefore amended my goal for this year to be....
#52 - Never have a food baby....more than once
Word of the Day Sunday, January 03, 2010
tortuous
1. Marked by repeated turns and bends; as, "a tortuous road up the mountain."
2. Not straightforward; devious; as, "his tortuous reasoning."
3. Highly involved or intricate; as, "tortuous legal procedures."
She sighed and looked in the mirror again.
Unbelievably disgusting.
That is what she thought of her body whenever she looked at herself in the mirror. Disgusting. She refused to wear a bathing suit, a two piece was completely out of the question. And forget about dating! There was no way she would ever allow a man to see her looking like….this.
She didn't care what other people said, "Why don't you have a boyfriend? You have a wonderful personality!" "Any man would be lucky to have you! You are so funny, you make me laugh every time we hangout!" "You have such a pretty face!"
Nope. None of those excuses would convince her otherwise. What, did they think she was stupid? She had a mirror, she knew how utterly revolting she looked. It was clear as daylight.
She turned to the side and scrutinized her profile. The new angle just made things worse.
She poked at the flabby skin near her belly button waking up the alien parasite that burrowed into her lower abdomen. Its neck telescoped out a foot or so and started to writhe around tortuously as it tended to do when it was hungry.
"God," she said out loud, her tone of voice dripping with revulsion, "at least I don't gain weight with you around," and proceeded to lick the inside of the chocolate fondue pot.
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